Alay | 45 | Secretes

I don't think I deserve what I've been wishing. Not at all. I deserve what I'm living with now. Because, guess what.. life doesn't easily change like a rain that falls suddenly in the middle of a summer.. Yes, I'm a realist. Yet, as far as if I ever think pessimistic, that's where optimism came from. But here, now, I can't think of a positive thing about myself in the future. I'm not God. But what we do today is a part of who we are tomorrow, right? And I'm in a total mess. I guess I'll do things in discreet. Live my life in discreet. Slowly vanishing. Maybe.. I'm just not sure.. at all. Stupid, as ever. I'm empty now.   Be free, my wishes. For there are better options thou might take.

The unstable conditions - physically, mentally, spiritually, habitually, behaviourally - are getting worse. It is sinking to the lowest level. Halp. Escape?

Saat menulis judul ini, gw mikir-mikir.. apakah berlebihan untuk membuat judul ini sedemikian rupa? Seakan-akan meragukan, namun menguatkan. Yah.. pokoknya entah apapun definisinya.. bagi gw judul ini sangat tepat dengan kejadian ini. Dan sebagai suatu tambahan yang mungkin (atau tidak) disebut kebetulan, judul ini berasal dari status twitter gw kurang dari 24 jam yang lalu. Masalah selalu datang silih berganti dalam kehidupan manusia. Begitu pula dengan gw. Namun entah apakah itu cuma gw yang ngerasa begini pada saat ini atau memang kenyataannya begitu, gw ngerasa hidup gw nggak pernah berhenti menghadapi gelombang masalah. Bukan masalah yang datang sewaktu-waktu dan kemudian selesai, dan untuk beberapa saat anda bisa menghembuskan nafas lega dan melemaskan saraf-saraf otak. Bukan.. bukan yang semacam itu. Yang gw hadapi adalah ombak.. Memang bukan sesuatu yang sebesar penjajahan, kemiskinan, wabah, bencana, dan lain-lain. Tapi ini cukup menguras otak, waktu, dan tenaga, sehingga men...

I know that I'm in the right way. I'm not guessing. I just know it. Me, you, him, her, them. Everything makes sense. We live in parallel universe. Haha. (Feeling awkwardly funny and happy in such a horrible timing.)

Ada saat-saat dimana ketika terjadi sesuatu, kita memikirkan hal tersebut. Namun pikiran itu berada di alam bawah sadar. Dan hal ini berpengaruh pada aksi kita dalam kehidupan sehari-hari - secara tidak sadar, tentunya.

I play table tennis as a hobby. Even though I'm not a professional player, but I always enjoy playing with professional players. The stronger the opponent, the more I got excited. I think this is the only game where I don't really care about winning or losing. It's all fun, whether I won or lost. So talking about the tournament, it was held from 6th until 10th of January. I was registering myself at the last moment, January the 5th at 22:00. It was because I was considering my wrist injury that haven't recovered since more than one month. I consultated with my doctor. She adviced me not to participate the tournament. And also I haven't trained for a while. But it was a rare occasion, so I registered myself (sorry, Doc), and promised her that I won't force or do any wrist-risking moves. Then the the tournament began, I was lucky to have a "Bye" match. It means that I'm going to wait for another match to see who my opponent is. So for the first ...

So, somehow I feel that I'm calm now. I getting more stable than ever. I can think more clearly when it comes to solving a problem. Thank God. My next target will be finishing my bachelor, and looking for a better job than what I have now. My sister will be married at 1st of February. So I'm busy helping the preparation for the wedding ceremony. Invitations, re-arranging some stuffs at home, etc. I'm happy for her. Overall I'm happy with my quiet life. But as usual, I always try to get better. There are some flaws, and I'm going to fix it as soon as possible.