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Showing posts from 2020

Turmoil

I think I'm just a lucky weak guy. I wonder when will I improve. I wonder when will I run out of luck. I wonder when will I need no luck. Do I need to stop considering when it's about decisions for myself? I can just do the old style; hide until things are calm. But that won't improve myself. I need to do something about this.

"You love me"

Yes, my love, this is the feeling that I share and will always do only with you everyday. And I know that you love me too.

She is Perfect

She is perfect!

9th Month

She feels grateful. I feel blessed. Wonderful.

First Challenge in Relationship

Recently, she is quite busy recently while I am not so busy. I wonder what does she feel when we don't talk as often as we did. The mystery in discovering someone's feeling is kind of annoying. I always love her, but I can't tell how her feelings are because of the distance. I want to believe in her feelings. I just don't know how to set my mind. I have questions.

Back to the Basics of Loving

I just suddenly realize my mistakes in my past relationships. After so long, I just realize what it is to be a lover. I just realize what it is to understand my partner. Well perhaps I and my past partners don't match anyway, based on difference in character and vision. It's all thanks to my current and hopefully forever lover who is very caring and kind and enthusiastic and patient to me. She makes me realize what it is to love each other. I hope she is my destined one. I like the way she treats me. I like the way she speaks. I like the way she expresses herself. She is just perfect. I hope she likes me as much as I like her. I'm always expecting her presence; her texts, her voice, her face with all the expressions. I'm still waiting for her first touch tho. Yes, she is the one who is worthy my most precious thing in my life, which is time. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I think, the basic, the purest form of loving a partner is like how we felt in love

The Lecturer

Today the lecturer that has been so kind to me is sick. I'm attending him because his family is living in another city because of work. Hope he'll recover soon because he is also one of the rare people who is very good at table tennis in my campus.

Dear Love

I'm very sorry for asking you often about why do you love me or why I love you, about what do you see in me that makes you feel happy and comfortable. Please don't misunderstand because those questions don't mean that I'm not believing in your love. It's just I'm having problem within myself, that I'm finding it hard whether I can live with you or not. I'm having this self-confidence crisis. I'm so happy having a relationship with you, I'm so happy that I can see your smile every night, I want to live with you so bad it makes me crazy. You are so beautiful, so kind to me, so caring. You are simply very special. Living in this country really horrifies me. You know how honest and clean I am, and that kind of personality doesn't really fit if I want to make a lot of money in such a short time. I have to ignore some good parts in me if I want to gather a lot of money here. Just thinking of that already scares me. But thinking of not being able to

Insecure

I hope she can understand my problematic way of thinking until the time that I can figure it out clearly. I truly madly deeply love her and I don't want to ever lose her.

Safety

Hanya tentang kezholiman. Semoga diriku senantiasa terhindar dari mangalami atau berbuat kezholiman kepada diri sendiri maupun orang lain.

Jealousy

Wow how I learned so much from only one incident. I always felt jealous when she talked to men. But she always tried to comfort me by explaining everything and telling me that nothing suspicious will happen and her feelings won't change and will always be for me. I needed a whole day thinking about that because it was so hard to calm down with jealousy in my mind, I couldn't think clearly. And she understands my condition so well, she even apologized for misunderstanding my opinion about going out with someone else, when I really don't blame her for that. She also explained that she also felt jealous when I went with another girl. Those are the points where she hits right in my heart. I realized how I should think, how I should feel. I always want her to have good friends and visit good places and enjoy good times, even before I can join her. And I trust her feelings, now I know that SHE'S REALLY GOOD, REALLY PERFECT FOR ME, and SHE REALLY LOVES ME. Thank you for loving

You

How can I not give you my all when you're giving me your all. I'm really looking forward to the day we'll meet. I feel very comfortable with you.

Six Months

I love you so much and will love you more and more. Thank you for wanting me to be your lover. Please stay this way for another six thousand years and more.

The Description

I just realized that the description for this blog is about forgettable moments. But no, everything about you is not forgettable because you're in my heart.

Typhoon

Be safe, you. I need you.

Tired

I always envy her when she's tired after work or study. I want to work and study so hard that I get tired, and go home, and rest in her arms. Because that's what I want to do to her now. To make her feel good by having a good rest. I want to massage her tired body, I want to prepare nourishing food or drink for her, I want to embrace her, I want to hear her stories until she goes to sleep. Hope that will happen soon. We are realistic about our physical distance. But our heart is so close.  Wow writing that makes me reminded of Metallica's song, Nothing Else Matters: So close no matter how far Couldn't be much more from the heart Forever trusting who we are And nothing else matters Never opened myself this way Life is ours, we live it our way All these words I don't just say And nothing else matters Trust I seek and I find in you Every day for us something new Open mind for a different view And nothing else matters

You are More Than Just Beautiful

You are very precious.

Why are You

So lovely So kind So beautiful So sweet So cute So funny So smart So understanding Together with your imperfections You are so perfect Event: She's on vacation yet still finds the time to call me. <3

One Hour of Sleep

I felt very exhausted because I didn't have enough sleep fixing a computer, and played table tennis in the morning.  But somehow.. whenever I feel her presence, I feel the energy regenerate inside me. I feel my body is recovering tho I hadn't have any more sleep. Seeing her makes me feel calm, happy, relaxed, comfortable. Wow. Experiencing the power of love firsthand is truly a wondrous experience. I love her so much.

The Happy Birthday Wish

I really hope she liked my surprise appearance wearing batik, because I like that idea too. I wonder what can I do for her for next year and upcoming years. Yes, I want to stay with her for a very long time, hopefully eternally.  She is very special. She is very lovely. Hope I can witness her achieving whatever her dreams are.

Why Do You Keep Loving Me

I really appreciate your willingness  to stay with me when I'm happy  to cheer me up when I'm mad or sad  I really appreciate every second that you spend with me  I loved you because..  because I love you  I just love you  I don't really know where to start an explanation about loving you  It just happened and I am so glad that the feelings resonates  And now you're making me loving you more and more  Thank you, thank you, thank you  I really hope the day when we live together will come soon  No matter what kind of obstacles I have to face before coming to that day  I will find a way to get there  to meet and live with you  I really want to show you my feelings  I really want you to know that I love you as a whole  I love your excellencies, I love your flaws   I really want to show you that my wish of living happily together is a serious wish  I really want to prove that I am the best for you  I really want you to realise that I'm not exaggerating when I say that yo

Because of You, I Love You

I don't know when did it start, but today I'm very very happy. She starts making fun of me and she's so funny. She is doing things the way she likes it, and I like it. She is in love, I am in love. I don't understand how love works, but I know that my feeling for her is real, and her feeling for me is real. I want to stay with her. Live together with her. I want her to stay happy with me, because I'm always happy with her. Love is mutual give and take. But still I don't know why she loves me Does love need a reason?

Forget

Sometimes I like to look at details so much that I tend to forget looking from wider perspective.  I need to open my eyes wider.

Love is

...more than just sex. I thought it plays a big part in love, now I think it only takes a little portion in love. Caring, sharing, understanding, accepting, and appreciating, take the big part in love.  Hmm.. I think I find something.. Care Accept Share Understand Appreciate Love The acronym for that is CASUAL.  Oh, I think this is why we are so happy and comfortable.

Happiness is

I'm smiling like crazy after calling her.

Thank You for Listening and Loving Me

Malam ini aku bercerita banyak tentang keresahan-keresahanku yang paling dalam. Meskipun aku sangat tidak percaya diri dengan ceritaku dan caraku berbicara, ia tetap mendengarkanku dengan seksama.  Aku sangat bersyukur bisa bertemu dan menjalin hubungan dengannya. Dia sangat mengerti keresahanku. Dan dia ingin tetap selalu berada di sisiku meskipun telah mengetahui sisi gelap dan keburukanku.  Aku percaya dia sangat mencintaiku. Aku percaya dia sangat setia. Akulah yang bermasalah; bukan ragu, hanya takut. Aku akan memperbaiki ketakutanku, menghapus keresahanku. Aku ingin percaya diri bersamanya. Aku sangat mencintainya.

Step by Step

Kepikiran kalau cara berpikirku ternyata terlalu rumit. Aku harus memperjelas  dan memperinci tujuanku agar lebih mudah dicerna dan digapai. Saatnya membuat daftar perincian kecil. Karena tidak ada hal besar yang tidak diawali dari kecil.

Treatment

She always treats me perfectly as her lover, as someone who I always wanted to be treated. I feel complete with her. Thank you my love.

If You Only Knew

How curious I am about what will happen to our life Will it be good? Is it good? Should I just enjoy what I have now without thinking a lot about what life is preparing for us?

Priority

1. My partner, the one and only 2. Collecting information about the procedures 3. Thesis revision 4. Projects 5. Job hunting

When My Left Ear is Blocked

I think I can listen to your heart more than before

Be Stronger

I am learning How to control myself This world seems it's all about her This possessive thinking needs a limit I need to calm down I'm sure I get a big share of her heart and mind As big as her portion inside mine But we need to do some things for ourselves by ourself too With hope and prayer for each other Oh how sweet our life is In good times and bad times We are still sweet We are a perfect couple I will fight for this relationship I will move forward, I will improve I am doing it Trying hard to not disappoint her Because I will be the one who will suffer bigger disappointment I want to please her I want her to feel truly happy with me Always happy I know my fear I fear myself That other side of myself That dark self That confused self She is already helping me a lot It's my decision to keep up or go down I want to keep up To keep improving day by day To become stronger To become smarter To become more reliable Because she is strong Much stronger than me She is heavenly

Lau Debuk-Debuk

Went there with a group of 10 Surprise celebration of Nanda's birthday The hot spring is not as hot as the one we visited before We had fun anyway No trouble, no accident, no incident And all I think is her I wonder if I can proudly bring her there I wonder will it be enjoyable for her I wonder I believe Good things will happen on us No matter where we are No matter where we will be As long as we're together Aitai

Particles

We are just particles on earth I wonder If we will be remembered by someone The story of us Our struggle, our joy, our sorrow All I know is You and I are the particles which are attracted to each other

Aitai

This sense of belonging is growing more and more and more Will we be able to contain it?  Should we move a little slower? Shall I rush? It takes some more time before we can gather A day feels like a week Is it a blessing? Is it a torture? It's about how we control our mind It's about how we suggest each other It's about how we suggest ourselves I feel like I can't wait But I will wait I will wait and wait While moving forward In hope that every movement will be the right move Towards you So one day we will meet In our best shape possible When we are ready We are blessed by each other Aitai

A Partner

A partner is someone who  understands you or at least always trying to understand whatever the feeling is and is someone who you understand or at least you always try to understand whatever the feeling is is someone who want to care each other or at least always try to at least we try our best let the verdict tells what's best for us we will never have the ability to tell the future we have our present, now let's enjoy it now hoping our now will be our everyday your presence is a present for my present

Your Presence

Truly like a kind angel Soothing Cheering Is this heaven?

Sweet Sunday

Wow, we called for five hours and we still have many things to talk about in our mind. She showed me her pictures from high school. I like it when she tells me her stories about anything. She is the one.

Joy in Joy

The way you enjoy my existence It is so beautiful Thank you for being exist for me She showed my picture to her parents yesterday. I felt honored, I think for good and respectful women to introduce her partner to her family means that she is serious at some level. Today it happens that I cannot decide (again) about when should I go back to Medan. She understands me. She loves me. While I'm hating myself. I love her more for that. She is just perfect.

Laughing

I wish I wrote every moment that I made her laugh.  Those are precious moments I want to cherish.

Being Extremely Happy

.. in love is exciting and terrifying at the same moment. Here are the toughts that wander around my mind: - I love her and always want to be with her - I love her and want her to be always happy whether it's with me or not, I'm ready to let her go anytime as long as it's for the better for her - I can't let her go because I don't think I can find another partner as lovable as her I think I just make myself confused. Anyway, I don't know what the future holds but I'm so grateful that I've met such a lovely person.

When She's Busy

First of all I'm thinking of writing in a more detailed description such as writing names and stuff. Not sure yet. Recently she has started doing her daily activities such as studying and working, while I haven't. I miss her but I know it's for the better, and she also tells me that she is also missing me, so it feels much better. I love that her words can easily convert my negative thoughts into positive. I love her more and more each day, there's no end to that. We are not perfect, but she is perfect for me.

If I Spend My Time Waiting for You to Write

If I spend my time waiting for you to write I think I can make a novel or movie script everyday That's how long it feels But I enjoy it The title would be Awaiting You I believe that is a cool title Please don't think that I feel sad or empty or anything negative when I'm waiting for you I've said this before and I will say it again I'm happy that I have you as someone to wait for

With the Right Motivation

It's possible to learn anything, including this Japanese culture that I'm learning. It also helps a lot that I'm already familiar with some of it. NB: She's always beautiful, but tonight there's something more to that.

Yuki no Hana

Kimi ga iru to donna koto demo Norikireru you na kimochi ni natteru Konna hibi ga itsumademo kitto Tsuzuiteku koto wo inotte iru yo ..... Donna kanashii koto mo Boku ga egao he to kaete ageru As long as we stay together I have a feeling that we'd be able to overcome any kind of hardship I sincerely pray that days like this will continue forever and ever ..... No matter what kind of sorrows I'll help you turn them into smiles

010620

I'm starting to make writing as a routine again. Don't start with thinking about paragraph structure or grammar, just write.  Today I learned how to play piano on laptop. It took a while for me to look for and adjust and set up the software to my own liking. I tested a some freewares and finally chose Everyone Piano. It has all the feature that I need. And tonight I showed what I learned to her. She was impressed, and I was happy even tho I still think it's not enough. I want to give much better performance for my loved one. I still have a long way to learn.

Welcome June

Wish the days will get better, the pandemic will be over, and this lovely relationship will stay forever.

The Explosion

I didn't want to do it but your action is triggering me to burst out my anger. You reap what you sow.

Ghost Call

Who are you, coward?

I Like Her a Lot

I like many things about her; how she looks so calm yet she laughs a lot when she's with me; how she understands me, how she looks at me; how she smiles at me; how she expresses her thoughts and her feelings to me. How I want to express my best appreciation for the beauty in those gestures. I see the flaws within her and I like her.

I Need to Do Something

It's because I love her that I need to make an agreement so she can sleep earlier. I'm still thinking of how to do it without making it look forced. She understands me well but I just don't want to make her feel that I'm trying to control her.

My Monster Asked

Do I deserve her? Am I working hard enough? Am I smart enough? Am I kind enough? Who am I?

Let's Swim Together

You're drowning, I'm pulling you up I'm drowning, you're pulling me up We might don't know how to swim Especially in this sea of unknown But believe me We will learn how to swim And reach the shore We will build a beautiful house And laugh a lot everyday May sometimes cry Together Until we meet the end of our life TY: Terancam gagal beasiswa AS: Kepepet uang kuliah in C-19

No I Don't Have to Worry a Lot

Karena dia mencintaiku apa adanya  Karena dia cerdas Karena dia bijak Karena dia pun berpikir untuk mencari solusi Karena dia memilihku Karena dia pilihanku Karena dia mengerti Karena dia pantang menyerah Karena pada saatnya nanti dia akan siap untuk memberikan keputusan Yakinlah Tenanglah

The Worrying Phase Has Begun

I don't know, love. I really don't know about how can we unite our difference in religion. Satu hal yang sangat tidak mungkin adalah untukku mengubah keyakinanku. Diriku terlahir sebagai Muslim, berasal keluarga besar Muslim yang taat, diasuh oleh ayah, ibu, kakek dan nenek yang kuat keimanannya. Saudara-saudariku semua memiliki pemahaman yang sangat dalam tentang keislaman. Terutama aku. Ya, aku. Bisa dibilang di antara kami bersaudara akulah yang memiliki pengetahuan keislaman paling luas. Namun entah mengapa hidupku termasuk yang paling jauh dari nilai keislaman. Itu bukan tentang dirimu, sayang. Itu tentang pribadiku. Namun aku terus berusaha mendekat, aku tahu dan yakin hidupku akan lebih baik jika aku taat beragama. Entah apa rahasia Tuhan mempertemukan kita, menunjukkan kecocokan kita, menanamkan rasa ketertarikan kita. Aku tidak mengerti itu semua, sayang. Yang aku tahu bahwa aku mencintaimu bukan hanya karena parasmu. Aku adalah orang yang bisa berpikir sehat bahwa kec

Bias

Everyone's opinion will always be biased to their experience at some point. Trying to follow the ultimate guidance is the safest choice. Let me break my barriers while staying on the right lane.

It's Time to Move On

Goodbye old partner. Although we're usually in hardships, but the journey was a pleasure. Hello new partner. I like you a lot. I hope you will be my partner forever.

TY

Tolong, kali ini berpikirlah sejernih mungkin, bertindaklah sebijak mungkin. Saling tertarik adalah karena merasa cocok. Tidak mudah menemukan orang yang bisa melihat apa yang kau lihat. Saling memiliki bukan berarti saling mengendalikan, melainkan saling mendukung. Ini pesannya:  - Jangan stres - Jangan menutupi perasaan - Kabari keadaan di sana

1st Literacy Festival

I'm the adjudicator for debating competition. Met some new people here. It was fun and all.  There was a gossip about me that I'll be recruited by the campus' language institute, but the latest new is the higher officials want a lecturer in that position. It's fine. I'll look for a better job later after teaching the Japanese.

Corona

Not having enough money and job to survive sucks. Edit: Apparently I have enough money. But still, this lockdown sucks.

Boring Sunday

When you're ready for anything but have nothing to do today.

Suggesting Myself to Fall Asleep

Ayo pasti bisa tidur..

Moving

Hope this will end up good.

I'm Clueless

Peninglah entah mau pindah ke mana mau ngapain mau sama siapa.