Alay | 45 | Secretes

Diawali berjalan berdua Di dalam sebuah fenomena Sebelah tangan bucin  Going one way One readily accepts the other One rejects Could it be funnier than this?

Just as how unexpected the meeting with her was, I believe that the ones who truly deserve each other will meet at the right moment. I just have to live a good life and wait for the moment.

Never ever thought I'd get hurt this bad, I don't even know how to laugh freely anymore.  I miss having fun.

 and have a happy life. Let me be the one struggling, the one ignored, the one trapped in this hole.

Suka-suka klenlah. I believe that karma is real.

I'm changing my principles. My focus won't be for finding a partner now. I'm all for a lot of clean money. I shall ignore women, until the right one finds me.

Why can someone easily have a change of heart, when I can't? Why are there people who have happy and peaceful life without much struggle and sacrifice? When can I enjoy true happiness, when I'm already this old? Why am I always the one who ends up suffering in a relationship? Am I not kind enough? Is being kind wrong? Am I not improving much? Am I cursed? Will I become one of those who suffer tragic ending? I'm so tired.

I trying hard but still cannot see any light. My head and chest still hurt. I don't know where to go. I don't know whom to speak to. I don't know who or what can save me. It hurts so much. If this awful life prolongs, can I just die soon?

I'm in a tight spot between wanting to die out of depression and wanting to live in hope of finding true happiness.

I'm so dead I cannot listen to any kind of music since most of them are about love and feelings. I disgust them. The thing that I only have in mind is confusion; about what has happened, about what should I do.

 I'm converting this sadness into calmness, but it is probable that it'll turn into rage or lunacy.

She said she cannot be with me but she wants to see me. Such an ironic statement. I'm so done with my life now. She was the most precious thing I've kept inside my heart.  So what's next? I don't know. I'm dead inside. Is there no such thing such as good things for good and kind person? I am a very kind and thoughtful person. I treated her the best I can give. But she doesn't want to be with me anymore. It breaks my heart.  Can I still live after this? I cannot even think straight. I'm at this age where I'm desperate of having a close partner to talk to. Should I become someone bad? A liar, maybe? A cheater? A playboy? Should I throw away all the thoughts about having a good and honest life? Can I find someone better than her, someone perfectly suitable for me, as soon as possible? I need that someone very soon.  I don't know where to find it. I'm so dead.

It's very sad. I wake up every morning and regularly checking my phone in hope that there's a message from her. I don't know what to say or what to do. I can break into tears anytime.

 Can I survive this loneliness?

I'm used to check my phone whenever there's a chance, hoping that there's a message from her. Today I do it and it breaks my heart realizing that I won't get any text from her. I miss her presence.

 Choose your poison.

I don't know. I'm used to having someone to share my feelings with. But as bittersweet as the last girlfriend was, a scary trust issue has grown inside me. Relationship is scary. Trusting people is scary. I've seen many couples last happily for their lifetime. But after living for so long and experienced many relationships, I think I'm not fated to have one. Goodbye, wishful future. I'm shutting down.

I tried my best to improve myself here and there for the bigger purpose. But now my biggest dream has shattered. Perhaps it's time to take a big step backwards and build a huge wall and just quietly live there on my own. I cannot trust anyone genuinely anymore.

 It does matter.

Gimana ini ya. Kalau dia dingin gini gw jadi resah. Masalahnya gw bukan tipe yang cuek, dan bukan pemain. Mau gak mau harus dibahas sih, apapun resikonya. Daripada kaku gini.

I found my old websites  here  and  here , it feels very nostalgic. I'm taking the logs from both designs (it's not that many tho) so this becomes a unified weblog.

It's been a bit frustrating for me for not getting much stories from her lately because she's been busier than ever that I oftentimes only get less than give minutes of her time in a day. I know I can't be selfish. I know she understands me the best, it's just her current situation is so hectic it can't be helped. I wish I could fly there and help her. I hope her and my situation will get better soon so our communication can improve and I hope our relationship will last forever and both of us are happy.

You are very charming, especially your smile.

I hope they'll qualify. And I hope they can teach their juniors after this. This year's team is the best-trained team compared to our previous years.

You are such a wonderful person who always reminds me to be wonderful too.

I don't look for any more reason to love you. I just simply love you, without any further reason. You are simply the right one for me to live and to die with. I choose you, in hope that you will always choose me too.

In this deep darkness, having her having happy times that makes us emit a ray of light is good enough for me. Still, I want to make us shine much brighter.

I wonder

I understand you. And I always love you.

is that I've always trusted her my stories up to the point that now after we broke up I don't know whom to tell this story. is that I've already thought of her as the perfect one. It will be very hard to see another woman the same way I see her. is that I'm already at rock bottom situation, and it just gets worse. I'm half past dead inside. Way dead than ever.

Heart. Again. It hurts. Deep. But thank you for the happiness that you have shared with me. I will cherish you as a big part of good memories. I gave her my best.

My phone's memory card is suffering from read-only error. I need to get it fixed ASAP because there are many apps that depend on it. 

I hope I can do better next year. Thank you for staying with me.

It's an honor to have you throughout this whole year. Looking forward for more happiness with you.

It's fine. It's totally fine. We need that experience. You know me more, I know you more.

This is how I see you You are naturally beautiful In every single way I like you so much I hope you like me as much And I hope someday you can see what I see in you

Compassion Considerate Compromise Commitment

I am a very happy man, for having such a wonderful woman as my partner. Thank you for this one year, my love. I hope you are happy as well. You are such a blessing to me. I'm looking forward for more years to come together with you. I love you!

Is it selfish if I want you to stay with me? Will you be happy? Honestly, I'm afraid that you will regret for being with me at some point.  Honestly, I want you, I want to be with you.  I am a very happy person from the moment you said that you like me too. It's been a year, a very rare year in my life timeline.  You make me feel special, you make me feel loved, you make me feel happy. And you are my special one, you are my love, you are the person that I always wish happiness. This is the first time I'm getting this mutual passion and respect, and I want it to last forever. Is it selfish? Anyway.. I don't want to force you to stay with me. I will never do. I know you will be fine with or without me. I know you have a bright future whichever path you take. I know you. I can only keep a deep wish and pray.  That whatever you decide will be the best for your happiness. Tho It'll be hard to say goodbye to you if you decide to not to stay with me anymore.  It's alwa

What am I supposed to do? I gave my best, and will always do I don't know what will happen But whatever it will be I hope good things will happen on us

Yes, my dear. Rest assured that from the first day we started dating, I have already set my mind; I'll always be with you, thinking of you. The fact that she is a big part of my history will remain there, there's nothing we can change about. But I have totally moved on, and it's all about you now. You are my partner. You are my best friend. You are my love.

You always look lovely, don't you know it? I always want to be with you, always want to give my all so you'll always feel happy and comfortable and confident.

I want to become a totally reliable person to you  I want to be there when you're happy I want to be there when you're sad I want to be there when you're in good mood I want to be there when you're in bad mood I want to be there when you're healthy I want to be there when you're sick I want to be there when you feel high I want to be there when you feel calm I want to be there when you feel low I want to be there when you need help I want to be there when you're idling I want to be there with you As your lover As your partner As your buddy As your best friend As your expert As your significant other Get well soon, dear love All I can do for now is pray and cheer you up from this remote place I feel sad I wish I could do more

I'll have a haircut too. She looks very cute with the new short haircut. She looked good with long hair too. She's beautiful all the way.

I am not who I'm supposed to be. I should be better than this. There are things that I don't understand about why am I feeling this negative feeling when I should be positive, and I am the one who always said to be positive. Why this contradiction? I hate myself when I'm doing this.

You are always very beautiful, always very wonderful, always very amazing, even when you think you're in your worst look. That much is how I see you, that much is how I like you.

I want to be part of your family I want to be part of your best friends I want to be part of your dearest people I want to be the one whom you share the rest of your life with I want to be part of you I want to be your true love I want to be with you

Why am I feeling so in love with you. Why is this wonderful feeling lingers within me when I thought I will never deserve someone as beautiful as this relationship; when I almost lost my faith to humanity; when I think the era of true love is over. Now that I see our relationship, I can also see wonderful relationships that other people have. That is how amazing you are to me.

Please, love. Don't be scared of me. Please love me not because you're scared, please love me not because I'm asking you to, but because you simply love me. Feel free to talk and do anything to me, because you love me so much, and you know that I love you so much too. All I want is to talk and to treat you in the nicest way possible, I never want to hurt you. So please, don't be scared. Be open. Be free. Be happy.

In my dream. And she is very beautiful and lovely. 

Who or what am I trying to impress when it feels like no one would appreciate my presence, and the dream is far from reach, and the time feels synchronously quick and long. Yes, everyone think about their selves first. I just don't know what to think about myself. I'm walking down a path, guideless and clueless. Perhaps that's why people don't need my presence, because I even don't know what is my presence for.

Yes, my dear. I'd also do anything possible for you. I feel you, I feel your love.