Alay | 45 | Secretes

Wow, such a lazy writer I am. Period. I wonder if the time spent would be a lesson to me or just something that flew away without any remarking. Now it is time to recall those memories. So here we go. Well, earlier this year I was busy with the English Olympiad in the campus. I was the secretary of the committee. Well, it was an interesting experience though I had some secretary jobs before. Maybe because we invite high school students that made it a fresh challenge to me. We struggle for the preparation of this Olympiad in less than a month, imagine that; an event inviting high schoolers from the whole city in such a short time. The result was not bad, really. We got 61 participants and it didn’t look like some dull competition. A good one for a starter. And on February I moved from Jalan Karya Bakti to Jalan Eka Rasmi, moving from one housemate to five. Then on the end of April we moved to Jalan Sisingamangaraja. You can tell how many story could happen around that amount of boys ...

Contemplating of what have I had for the past years, the good sides. Yes, I have found lots of true friends. Yes, I have made an achievement that I can be proud of; best department of the organisation when I was in charge as the head of it; champion of a small football tournament as a captain of an unfavored team; runner-up in another tournament captaining newcomers; successfully held up an annual celebration as the chief of committee which consists of women. In contrary to what that I have had in my mind - that I can't lead a group - I have a good record. This is a rare occurance to be aware to my own positive values. So, thinking positively, this might be a good reminder to start to think of when I get caught in negativity. Right now I'm leading a class full of female teenagers (and one boy). I felt hard the first time I was appointed by them classmates. But in time I have learnt how to face problem by problem. Now, tho I am still half-heartedly saying this, but I hope it...

Bro Gimana kabar gebetan Lo? | Udah putus! | Loh, kapan jadiannya? | Putus asa maksudnya T_T | :( Ngahahaha !! — BERITA HUMOR (@BeritaBodor) December 27, 2013

Gw ga peduli mau ini dibilang cuma khayalan, lebay, atau cuma obsesi, dan lain-lain yang sejenisnya yang berbau "ignorant". GW KANGEN "DIA". Entahlah, buat gw, dia itu istimewa. Mungkin terlalu istimewa buat gw.  Pendekatan sudah dilakukan, tapi gw jadi ga enak hati sendiri klo kelamaan ngedeketin tanpa ada kepastian akan apa yang selanjutnya dilakukan. Karena itu sejak beberapa waktu terakhir gw mulai mengurangi frekwensi komunikasi dengan dia. Berat memang melakukannya. Karena ya gitu, kangen. Ngelupain dia? Plis deh.. bahkan temen dan kenalan yang lama nggak ketemu kadang berlalu-lalang di mimpi dan pikiran gw. Apalagi yang seistimewa ini.. Gw lagi senang aja inget dia, membayangkan bisa berbagi kebahagiaan. Gw sedih aja inget dia, berandai-andai dia yang menemani gw mengurangi kesedihan. Gimana bisa lupa coba? Karena itu gw diam. Tapi ya gitu, kangen. Kapan gw punya cukup keberanian untuk nanyain satu kalimat itu? Rasanya seperti hipokrit d...

Should I listen to the devils' whispers? I'm feeling down again. Like death is a good option to take cause by exhaustion. On the other side I feel the rage. The revenge. Those really hateful feelings inside. Problems come to me just like waves, one through another it never stops where most of them wasn't made by me, but it became mine. I really never wanted to have it. I've tried to face it my way. But in the end it's just adding more problems. I know the world is perfect by having imperfect things. But why does it have to go this harsh on me?? Why, God? Isn't there any chance for me to feel grateful for good? Do I even have the right to complain? Should I be another person instead of who I am? I know many types of people which I can easily imitate. No, I won't do it. I think I'll just try to learn about myself here, from this dark place, until the time that I can overcome this and move forward.

Antara pergi, atau menetap. Antara meninggalkan, mencari dan menemukan. Di antara resiko dan resiko yang harus ditempuh. Penuh dengan kebimbangan. Saya ada dalam diri saya. Saya bersembunyi. Saya diam. Mencoba mengerti akan sesuatu bukanlah perkara mudah. Butuh masa yang tidak bisa ditentukan oleh akal. Siapa? Dimana? Mengapa? Bagaimana? Rasanya otak mulai lelah mencoba mencerna semua ini. Namun belum saatnya beristirahat. Belum. Tekad saya bulat. Saya tidak akan menyerah dan kehilangan diri. Saya harus menemukan jawaban dari semua pertanyaan itu. Setidaknya saya semakin terlatih dalam menghadapi konflik. Baik di luar maupun di dalam.

For all those good memories. Those extremely good feelings. Those kind attentions. Goodbye. I am leaving most of things behind now. Facing my tough life. Alone. I won't complain or even share stories anymore. I'm strong enough to face it. Again, alone. I've decided this. People will keep sharing things with me when they need someone to listen to their problems. And I will keep myself to try my best to help them. As usual. I won't ask anything back except in extremely urgent moments. Well, actually I've been doing it all the time. And I will keep it like that.